glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
