Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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