Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize