Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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