Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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