Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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