Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
