so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
