ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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