I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
