my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
