We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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