Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
