entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize