I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
