the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
