this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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