Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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