A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
