i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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