The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
