Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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