i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
