went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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