Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
