just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
