Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've blown a few things in my day
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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