two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
