So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
love makes seman taste better
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
