One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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