it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
