I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He did a backflip because drugs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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