Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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