I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
