Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Banned from zoo.
Again?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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