i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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