haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
