piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
