I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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