I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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