Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
