I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
