I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
