Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
