Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
