You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
