I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone came in the potted fern
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
