it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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