i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
