If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
