Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize