I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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