Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
