considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
