you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
