I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im holly from the hills drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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