Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Houston, we have a squirter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
