Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
