they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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