I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
