NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
