I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
