More tranny stories later!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
