I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
