i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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