I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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