I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
