Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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