I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
false alarm. still invincible.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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