omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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