well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Verdict: uncircumcised.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
